Thursday, November 17, 2005

The Elusive Self


Inside us there is something that has no name, that something is what we are.

Jose Saramago


At one point in our lives, we ask ourselves who we really are. We wonder about what makes us and breaks us. We delve into the deepest recesses of our hearts to take a peek at what drives us, what keeps us afloat, what makes us want to continue this sojourn called life. And the more we question, the more answers we get, answers which do not necessarily form one coherent response.

I often tell people that to know me, one has to gather all my friends and ask them how they have known me. Each one knows a different story. Not that I tell them different conflicting stories. It's just that the stories I tell them is a function of how we relate to each other. Some will know more of my bigger story. Some know the same amount of my story but of different facets. And in relating with them, they reflect back to me things about myself that I have never seen. Why even my dog sees something different in me which other people, including myself, have not seen.

Indeed the real whole self is elusive. He is a mystery even to my very self. But not knowing the entire self does not mean it does not exist. I believe the whole of me exists even if I only know a fraction of me. And this tells me that there is a higher Being, a God, who knows me better that I truly or all my friends for that matter, truly know me.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Said with Rage


Never forget what a man says to you when he is angry.
-- Henry Ward Beecher

When we are angry, we do not have much hold of ourselves. Hence, we end up saying or doing things that we soon regret. We are often advised to count to ten before we speak or act whenever we are angry. Often though it has been told to us, we always seem to forget to heed this.

What Beecher says makes sense. When someone blurts out something in anger, oftentimes, it is something he has been wanting to tell you but has stopped himself from doing so. I can say that this is true in my own experience.

What is more important though is what we tell ourselves when we are angry at ourselves. Let us face it, there is always something in us that we are angry about. And if this angry self is not listened to, its anger intensifies to rage. And anger and rage turned to one's self leads to depression.

Painful as it is, it is very important to listen to the anger turned within. Listen to that angry self. Acknowledge what it feels and address its concerns. It may be a fearful and exhausting experience, but well worth it because beneath the anger is something revealed about ourselves.